


Reporting for Booty Duty

by NotEvenCloseToStraight



Series: Valentines Day Fics! [10]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Blue Balls, Crack and Humour, Himbo Bucky, M/M, Shenanigans, Tony is a little shit, Tony wears lingerie, bodyguards, stuckony - Freeform, thats it thats the whole fic, valentines day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:28:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29442639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenCloseToStraight/pseuds/NotEvenCloseToStraight
Summary: “Hello boyyyyyys.” Tony Stark was a goddamn vixen standing there in almost indecently tight pants and a button up undone to his navel. His hair was tousled like he’d been fucking , his lips red from kisses and if there was any question as to whether or not it had been HIS booty putting on the lace just a few minutes ago, the query was quickly dispelled when he leaned over to pick up a bag and treated them to the sight of a well rounded butt and the unmistakable pattern of lace beneath the suit pants.“Did Pepper tell you all about my personality quirks?” He cocked a challenging eyebrow and Steve stammered a mostly professional, “Mr. Stark, I can assure you we are comfortable with any situation that may arise over this coming weekend.”“Are you now?” Tony bit at his lip and put a hand at his waist, allowed his shirt to slip off one shoulder and bare a strip of lace that matched the one they had glimpsed earlier. “ANYTHING that may arise?”
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Valentines Day Fics! [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1266017
Comments: 19
Kudos: 343





	Reporting for Booty Duty

“You sure about this?” Steve smoothed his hair back in the highly reflective walls of the elevator and straightened his tie. “I dunno how I feel about taking on bodyguard duties for a spoiled rich kid just so we can take a vacation.” 

“Not a vacation.” Bucky redid the bun that held his long hair back and jerked to straighten his jacket. “ _Our_ vacation. The one we’ve been saving for years for. Six whole weeks in Europe traveling around. Cruises. Fun hotels. We’ll go to Ireland and find your Grandma’s old place. Go to Germany and drink every single different beer until we pass out. The Eiffel Tower. Venice.” 

“Yeah, yeah I know.” Steve wiped a smudge from Bucky’s cheek. “But I’ve seen the movies, Buck. Couple’a goons like us take what’s supposed to be an easy job being a bodyguard for some bratty billionaire and we end up running for our lives battling some mob boss or something cos we fall in love with the kid and refuse to get him in trouble. One of us will die, the other one will show up in a sequel five years down the road all grizzled and cranky but still lethal.” 

“...Okay.” Bucky narrowed his pale eyes at his boyfriend. “First of all, this isn’t a Liam Neeson movie. None of those things ever happen in real life, what the fuck. Second of all, our entire job description involves tailing this kid to some big charity Gala on Sunday. Three days, and that snobby girl on the phone said she’d pay us six thousand dollars. We’re gettin’ two grand a day to escort some tuxedo wearing Instagram star around. What’s the worst that could possibly happen for two grand a day?” 

“Fine.” Steve straightened his shoulders and lifted his chin. “Please let me do the talking though. You might look scary with the way you growl and swagger and murder strut--” 

“--when I murder _what_?!--” 

“But you sound like a damn doofus when you talk. Let me handle it.” 

Bucky was too scandalized over _murder strut_ to argue, so when the elevator doors slid smoothly open to allow them into a large lobby, he was decidedly silent and let Steve take the lead. 

It had been a rather terse phone call earlier this week with one Virginia Potts informing them of their duties this weekend, a promise for half pay up front and the other upon completion, a promise that was more along the lines of a _threat_ should they fail to uphold their contract, and a joke that was borderline serious when she told them Tony could be a handful. 

And now as the intimidatingly beautiful redhead walked them down the winding hallways of the office building, she kept right on making jokes that sounded way more serious than possible-- “Tony is delightful but I’m afraid he’s rather stuck in his ways. He loves all holidays, so be prepared for copious amounts of decorations, frequent detours from your best set schedule to purchase what he insists is a necessary addition to the holiday theme, but will most likely in fact be junk from a street vendor. At all times you are to refer to him as Mr. Stark regardless of what he tells you, and if he asks you to join in the shenanigans and acquire some paraphernalia, by all means, do it.” 

“Sorry.” Steve frowned. “Shenanigans?” 

“Paraphernalia?” Bucky butted in. “No offense Ms. Potts, but pretty sure we won’t be doin’ drugs with Mr. Stark.”

“Oh god, no not paraphernalia like that.” Ms. Potts laughed out loud. “No, oh no. Nothing like that. I meant more like--” she paused, reached to pluck a rather glittery headband from her desk and set it carefully in her perfectly styled hair. “I mean like this.” 

“...Mr. Stark’s going to want us to wear Valentines Day themed headbands?” 

“You will be lucky if it’s only a headband.” Ms. Potts kicked out of her heels and replaced them with truly astonishing fluffy pink slippers and sighed when Steve’s eyebrows about flew off his head. “Believe me when I say, I’m glad Valentines Day is only day a year, you should see him at Christmas. Now then. Are there any questions about your compensation, about your duties about your--” 

\--whatever Ms. Potts was saying faded to white noise for the bodyguards as Bucky and then Steve caught a peek through a slightly ajar door and saw _first_ a whole bunch of perky butt cheek and _second_ what could only be neon pink lace sliding up the aforementioned butt cheek and snugging into place on a little waist. 

_Uhhhhhh_ …..

“No questions at all?” Ms. Potts asked, and Steve and Bucky jerked back to listening. “That’s great, most people have a list a mile long when it comes to Mr. Stark. I’m looking forward to a low maintenance weekend.” 

“Yes ma’am.” Steve managed, like he still wasn’t imagining the curve of what had to be a spectacular ass covered in lace. “We’re ready.” 

“Reporting for booty.” Bucky saluted solemnly, and then-- “Oh shit! I mean, reporting for _Duty_!” 

Ms. Potts blinked a few times then finally sighed. “Okay, I’m going to tell Mr. Stark you’re ready. Please just make it to Sunday, alright? Please?” 

She disappeared into the slightly open door, there was a murmur of voices, one rather loud-- “I don’t need a babysitter!” and an equally stern, “Apparently you do! Last weekend you were late because you stopped to feed the ducks and then bought lunch for everybody in the park!” 

“Oh well excuse me for caring about my neighbors!” 

“The Senate doesn’t give a damn if you care about your neighbors, Tony! You were held in contempt of court! You’re lucky you’re not in jail!” 

“Stevie.” Bucky elbowed him lightly. “So… this ain’t just babysitting some rich kid, huh? Contempt of court by the Senate?” 

“Yeah, let’s switch rich kid out for eccentric billionaire and see where that lands us.” Steve straightened up again when Ms. Potts reappeared. “Everything set, ma’am?” 

“Sure.” her smile was bright, her green eyes almost laughing at them. “Good luck.” 

.. _.good luck?_

Steve and Bucky barely had a chance to wave goodbye to the redhead before the double doors opened wide and their _job_ stood in front of them with both hands on his hips and a look that could only be considered _mischievous_. 

“Hello boyyyyyys.” Tony Stark was a goddamn vixen standing there in almost indecently tight pants and a button up undone to his navel. His hair was tousled like he’d been ~~fucking~~ sleeping, his lips red from ~~kisses~~ lipstick and if there was any question as to whether or not it had been _his_ booty putting on the lace just a few minutes ago, the query was quickly dispelled when he leaned over to pick up a bag and treated them to the sight of a well rounded butt and the unmistakable pattern of _lace_ beneath the suit pants. 

“Did Pepper tell you all about my personality quirks?” He cocked a challenging eyebrow and Steve stammered a mostly professional, “Mr. Stark, I can assure you we are comfortable with any situation that may arise over this coming weekend.” 

“Are you?” Tony bit at his lip and put a hand at his waist, allowed his shirt to slip off one shoulder and bare a strip of lace that matched the one they had glimpsed earlier. “Are you really? Anything that may _arise_?” 

He was gone after that, hurrying towards the elevator with a distracting sashay to his step that had both men staring like outright fools for at least thirty seconds. 

“You uh-- you ready, Stevie?” Bucky’s hand found it’s way over to Steve’s zipper and gripped him hard.” It should have hurt but Steve was hard enough to hammer nails so all Bucky’s touch did was make him thrust up immediately. “Yep. Me-- me too.” 

“We’re getting paid six grand to watch that ass get up to some shenanigans?” Steve breathed and Bucky shrugged, “Or six grand to involve it _in_ some shenanigans.” 

“Absolutely not.” 

“Ms. Potts said we had to engage in paraphernalia!” 

“Jesus Christ Buck, wanting to sleep with our boss is _not_ the same thing as wearing glitter headbands.” 

“I’d like to wear _him_ like a headband.” Bucky sulked, and Steve didn’t know if he was laughing or choking by the time they made it to the elevator. 

Tony just smiled curiously at both of them, twisted a curl around his fingers and pursed his lips before announcing, “How do you feel about shopping?” 

**************

As it turned out, Steve and Bucky loved shopping. 

As it turned out, their dicks did _not_. 

“I’m actually gonna die.” Steve was propped up behind a strategically placed display in the private shopping area, fully professional from the waist up, fully unprofessional from the waist down as he watched Tony wiggling in to and then out of at least a dozen outfits in front of the mirror. The man had no shame, no tact, and apparently no compunction about undressing in full view of his personal shoppers and bodyguards to try clothes on and it was goddamn _distracting_. 

“10-4 good buddy.” Bucky muttered into his ear piece from across the room. “If Tony doesn't put his clothes back on soon, we’re going to have to buy me some more shorts. How the hell does he move his hips like that, and how is it in any way necessary?” 

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was baiting us.” Steve didn’t dare reach down and adjust his cock where it throbbed when Tony bent over to pick up a new pair of shoes and flashed that well rounded, barely covered booty. “Did Ms. Potts mention why his last bodyguards quit?” 

“Probably died of blue balls fever.” 

Steve was trying hard not to laugh when Tony finally decided to quit shopping and pranced up with an armful of bags. “Ready for our next adventure?” 

“Of course, Mr. Stark.” the big blond answered quickly, and Bucky came over to echo the sentiment. “Where are we headed to next?” 

“Lunch!” Tony clapped his hands together and only looked a _little_ bit wicked. “I love eating with my fingers, don’t you? I know this great little place nearby, you and Bucky are in for a treat.” 

... _Treat_ wasn’t exactly the word. Sure the food was delicious, but it was impossible to put anything in their mouths while Tony was moaning and licking at his fingers, teasing the waitresses and gasping out loud at how good the food was. 

“Definitely blue balls fever.” Bucky murmured as he passed Steve on the way to the bathroom. “When we get home tonight, I want you to fuck me through the floor.” 

“Want me to call you _Tony_ while I do it?” 

Bucky’s eyes went very wide and then _very_ hot. “That’s...something we should come back to. Definitely.” 

Friday was an easy day beyond the absolute torture of knowing the gorgeous little brunette was wearing lingerie beneath his clothes and had a knack for making food seem sexy. They didn’t even mind when Tony decided they should wear bright pink shirts and a heart shaped necklace while he visited a children’s center and passed out early Valentines. 

Hell, for six grand the job could have been a lot worse. 

Saturday was board meetings, hours upon hours in stuffy rooms while Tony drew and doodled on a notepad and only slightly contributed to the conversation by the board members. 

Part way through meeting three of eight, Bucky was just about nodding off when he felt a little foot sliding up his calf and snapped right to attention.

Tony cleared his throat lightly and then tapped his notepad so Bucky would look down and read the note. 

_You and Steve dating?_

After a minute Bucky nodded yes, just a quick jerk of his head. 

_So why do you stare at me so hard?_

Steve sent them an odd look, but Bucky waved him off and picked up a pen to quickly scratch out--

_Why’dya spend so much time half nekkid with us?_

_Why do you talk like that? It’s not quite a Brooklyn accent, but it's nice. Like you’ve got a mouth full of caramel and honey._

_Why do you EAT like that? It's not quite porn but it's sure fuckin’ close, like watching Skinemax after dark._

Tony muffled a laugh, eyes dancing behind his palm before he gathered himself and jotted down: 

_I eat like that because anything delicious should be enjoyed. They expect me to be proper because I’m rich but where’s the fun in that? As far as hanging out half nekkid, I was waiting to see which one of you broke first and jerked off in the store._

Bucky bit his tongue until it bled, then shoved the notepad at Steve who glanced at it, glanced at it again and then turned bright red clear to the tip of his ears. It was a long time before he picked up the pen to add his own note to the increasingly inappropriate conversation: 

_That store was so damn fancy I think the mannequin would’a come to life and slapped me if I jacked off on it's feet._

Tony _screamed_ with laughter, pushed back from the table and practically cackled at Steve’s answer. He thoroughly disrupted the meeting and when several sets of wholly disapproving eyes turned their way, Bucky quickly tore the note off and crumpled it into his pocket so no one else would see. 

That didn’t stop Tony from being a little shit and starting a fresh note a few minutes later--

_You both are ridiculously hot. I fired my last bodyguards because they were boring and had chins that could be blocks of granite. You guys look lots more fuckable._

_Pretty sure it's not professional to fuck our clients, Mr. Stark._

_Not professional? What is this, a Liam Neeson movie? This isn’t Taken, I’m not in danger, I just need a pair of babysitters so I manage not to get distracted on the way to the Gala tomorrow night. That’s what you are. Glorified babysitters. Nothing professional about it._

_Mr. Stark, I’d like it noted that Steve is the one who said it’s unprofessional to fuck you. I’m one hundred percent on board._

_No way, we’re a package deal. It’s both of us or nothing. We’ll flip for you, heads or tails. Not that either would be a hardship, you’re sorta of ridiculously pretty._

Tony blushed then, adorable and almost shy when he glanced up at them, and this time he took the note off the table and folded it away. 

“You see that?” Bucky whispered barely audible. “He looks like no one’s ever told he’s pretty before.” 

“I see it.” Steve nodded. “Don’t believe it though. No way he wears his pants that tight and has never been told he’s pretty.” 

“Fuckin’ _truth_ , right?” 

*************

Sunday was the Gala, and Steve and Bucky showed up early at the huge house to make sure Tony adhered to the strict schedule Ms. Potts had set for him. 

“A yoo-hoo!” Tony called from his bedroom, and they exchanged curiously hopeful looks before climbing the stairs. “Where’s my bodyguards? I need you to make a very important body guarding sort of decision for me.” 

“You decent?” Bucky rapped on the door, received an impish, “Am I _ever_ decent?” reply for his effort and just shrugged and pushed the door in. “What do ya need our advice on, sugar?” 

“First of all, definitely always call me sugar.” Tony was in his bathroom but poked his head out to wink at them. “Steve? What do you call Bucky when you’re kissing? I feel like you’re not the sort to call someone _sugar_.” 

“I call him sweetheart.” Steve answered easily, flopping on to a small couch by the mirrors and glancing around the room. Two days with Tony had gave way to a quick familiarity with the man, a casualness that nearly overshadowed the ridiculously hilarious innuendos and double entendres Tony dropped at a mere seconds notice, a friendliness that was only compounded by the way he _clearly_ wanted them as much as they wanted him. 

_Easiest six grand he’d ever made._

“Except when I top then he calls me ‘ _get that fuckin’ cock inside-_ -’ ACK!” Bucky shrieked when Steve full on tackled him onto the carpet to get him to shut the hell up. “Ouch! Damn it get your giant ass off!” 

“I feel like Steve is definitely _trying_ to get off, seeing as how he’s got you pinned like that.” Tony’s tone was cheeky, his butt even cheekier as he stepped over them and towards the mirror wearing a thong that barely qualified as dental floss. “Now then, I have a very serious question to ask you.” 

“Fuck.” Bucky thunked his head back onto the floor and jerked his hips up into Steve. “ _Fuck_ , Mr. Stark, did your other bodyguards quit because they died of horny? Cos this ain’t even playing fair.” 

“Oh, I’m just trying to make sure you earn every penny of your money this weekend.” Tony winked at them then held up a suit jacket in blue and then another one in a nearly identical shade of blue. “Number one or number two?” 

“They’re the same jacket, Mr. Stark.” Steve managed through grit teeth. “And if you’re gonna just wear a jacket and that thong to the Gala, no one’s going to notice.” 

“How dare you.” Tony sniffed at them. “I’ll have you know this jacket is Space blue, and this one is Prussian blue. Totally different colors.” 

“Like white and eggshell white.” 

“Exactly.” Tony selected the Prussion blue (it was literally the same color as the other one) and slid into it so he was wearing the tailor jacket open over his bare chest and barely there thong. “What do you guys think?” 

“I don’t think we’re being paid enough for this.” Steve panted into Bucky’s ear, still in tackle pose, shoved between Bucky’s thighs and laying heavy over him. “Bucky, what the fuck are we supposed to do right now?” 

“Get him to the damn gala then see how he feels about being spit roasted?” Bucky suggested, the words crude but the light in his eyes practically molten. “We can flip for it. Heads, I ask him, Tails, you have to figure out how to put a sentence together and ask him. Deal?” 

Steve groaned, “ _Deal_.” 

“What are you guys talking about?” Tony crouched down in front of them, balancing on the ball of his feet, knees spread and suit jacket over his body, thong doing an honest to god terrible job at hiding anything. “Regretting the assignment?” 

“Nope.” Bucky managed. “Just reporting for booty, Mr. Stark.” 

“He means duty.”

“I mean exactly what th’fuck I said!” 

Tony just laughed and stood back up, sauntered his way towards the closet and the rest of his clothes. 

“Happy Valentines Day, boys.” 

***********

**Fic Notes:**

_Look, nobody @ me for this cracky shenanigan, I had so much fun writing this, wtf. Tony being an absolute little shit to his bodyguards while Stucky is trying not to boner right out of their jeans is EXCELLENT._


End file.
